Have you ever felt like the people closest to you are pulling away, and neither of you realize until it’s too late?

This is the sad reality of growing up through all stages of life.

Growing up is hard and something that can make it harder for everyone can be our friendships. Friendships are one of the most exciting and best parts of growing up although they have their hardships. When we grow up, our bodies and our whole existence change. It’s rapid, and a lot of the time, it’s hard to grasp and stay afloat.

While all of this change happens, we can often begin to notice and realize how some of the people we used to be conjoined at the hip with are starting to hang out with other people, or find new friends they choose to spend their time with. This often becomes a cycle where we blame ourselves, trapping us in a pit of loneliness.

Sometimes we feel like our entire world is ending and other times we start to feel resentful, angry, or even hate towards the people we’re growing apart from—but this isn’t the solution. This is part of how we grow as individual human beings.

As we grow up, we stick by our closest friends. Whether it’s for 13 or two years, they may become a sibling to you. We will disagree with our friends, argue or get angry with each other, but it’s normal. As we grow and change as individuals, we might find new people who we grow closer to instead of our childhood friends.

In a reflective article from Medium, the author shares that,

“It’s learning to honor what once was while making space for what’s yet to come. Whether it’s outgrowing people, places, or parts of ourselves, it’s all part of the journey toward becoming more authentic, more whole. We don’t need to carry guilt for evolving. We just need to carry grace — for ourselves, and for those we leave behind.”

Remember that the separations that occur when we grow apart are not necessarily anyone’s fault. Reflecting on this separation negativity will only harm yourself and the other person. Holding resentment for the person who you lost connection with (for whatever reason), is actually not helpful. If anything, it will bring you further distress. It is okay to miss that person and still grieve the loss, but holding anger or acting out to get attention back from that person once they left will cause a lot of unnecessary harm.

According to the article, 5 Dangerous Consequences of Holding a Grudge,

“Studies have shown that the stress caused by grudges and resentment can lead to physical problems such as heart problems, high blood pressure, weakened immunity, and mental health issues such as increased anxiety and depression.”

Holding those emotions towards these people does not solve anything. It’ll actually cause you more physical and mental pain. Instead, we need to take these life experiences and learn from them without holding onto the negative emotions we might feel from it.

When we grow and change we have to remember that everyone is human, and we will all evolve away from who we used to be. It’s important that we learn from our friendships instead of forever grieving what we once had. Yes, you’re losing someone close to you and it will be painful. You can always hold space for that, but it’s important to remember all the positives and all the happiness you got from having these people in your life. You are loved.

In the famous words of my mother,

“You are smart, you are kind, you’re important.”